My boss' voice literally gives me gas
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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