Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize