in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize