I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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