I met the friendliest cop last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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