Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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