Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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