it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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