i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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