You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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