why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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