If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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