I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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