Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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