Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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