Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
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let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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