She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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