She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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