9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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