i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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