I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize