dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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