lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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