Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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