my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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