She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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