im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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