i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize