First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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