we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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