Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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