i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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