does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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