god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Moan for me like Helen Keller
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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