His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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