I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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