No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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