I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
