How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize