i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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