the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
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See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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