She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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