How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize