So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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