..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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