Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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