you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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