Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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