His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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