I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize